11 points
You can’t imagine how happy I was when I heard that you would come to visit me. We haven’t seen each other for a long time, so I am counting the days.
I have arranged a schedule for our holiday. You haven’t been to Shanghai before. When you see it, you will be hard to believe your eyes. Shanghai is very modern. First, we will go out for shopping, and then go some sight-seeings, such as Yu Yuan Garden and People square. If you like, we can go to see some old friends. I bet they will be as happy as I am when seeing you. Do you like the suggestion I made above? If there is something unsuitable, we will talk about them when you arrive. OK ?
Oh, please remember to bring your winter clothes with you, because Shanghai is a little bit colder than Sichuan.
Remember me to your parents.
                 
评析
这篇作文内容切题，提纲要求的三方面内容都写到了，文字简洁，层次清楚，语言错误比较少。写得好的句子如：You can’t imagine how happy I was when…，I am counting the days，I bet they will be as happy as I am ...，Remember me to your parents等。
不足之处主要有两方面：
1． 文章的组织不够严密，尤其是第2段。第1句讲，我给你的假期做了一个安排，接
下去第3句讲上海非常摩登，然后讲购物，再下去才讲观光。这样写，很难看出讲上海非常摩登的那3句话与假期安排有什么关系。试看修改后的文字：I have drawn up a schedule for your holiday. As you haven’t been to Shanghai before, I guess the first thing you’d like to do is to make a tour of the city. You will find it hard to believe your eyes when you see it, for it is very modern now. So first, we will go sightseeing …。内容和文字基本上都是原来的，只是把句子的次序调整了一下， 将原先的一些简单句适当加以合并，把主从关系明确起来，把观光的内容提到购物前面，文章的逻辑性就大大改善了。所以我们写文章，不仅要有内容，还要想办法把这些内容组织好。写完之后，自己要多读几遍，发现有不顺的地方，要想办法修改，直到满意为止。
2． 句子结构和词语搭配上都有一些错误。例如：第2段第3句中you will be hard to
believe your eyes应改为you will find it hard to believe your eyes。it代表后面的不定式短语to believe your eyes，即：“你会觉得to believe your eyes这个事有困难”，按原来的写法，就变成“你这个人困难”了。这一类句子结构上的问题一定要搞清楚，否则，要提高写作能力就很困难。词语搭配上，arranged a schedule应改为drawn up a schedule, worked out a schedule, made up a schedule 或made out a schedule。arrange的意思是make plans for something to happen， 所以我们可以讲arrange a meeting, arrange a trip, arrange an appointment等等，但一般不说arrange a plan, arrange a schedule。还有，go out for shopping应改为go (out) shopping或do (some) shopping; go some sight-seeings应改为go sightseeing， 此处sightseeing不是动词，前面不可加some，后面也不可加复数词尾“-s”。另外，由于such as前面没有表示景点的词，所以后面也不能直接接Yu Yuan Garden和the People’s Square。
先将原文作适当修改，供读者参考：
You can’t imagine how happy I was when I heard that you would come to visit me. We haven’t seen each other for a long time, so I am counting the days now.